Although I read widely in the period following my diagnosis with primary breast cancer, only two writers stand out in my memory - Audre Lorde and Jo Spence. I related to the 'otherness' of each of these women's breast cancer experiences - Audre Lorde as an African-American lesbian feminist poet and Jo Spence as a British socialist feminist photographer. The language of Audre Lorde's The Cancer Journals (pinsters/aunt lute, 1980). is intense and evocative:

In becoming forcibly and essentially aware of my mortality, and of what I wished and wanted for my life, however short it might be, priorities and omissions became strongly etched in a merciless light, and what I most regretted were my silences. Of what had I ever been afraid? ... And I recognise a source of power within myself that comes from the knowledge that while it is most desirable not to be afraid, learning to put fear into perspective gave me great strength. ...

What is there possibly left for us to be afraid of, after we have dealt face to face with death and not embraced it? Once I accept the existence of dying, as a life process, who can ever have power over me again?

Jo Spence's powerful images were more familiar to me than her writing, but when we first set up this web site, I looked again at the chapter "The Picture of Health? " in Putting Myself in the Picture: A political, personal and photographic autobiography (Camden Press, 1986). Her observations and analysis of the medical process experienced by a breast cancer patient in the NHS closely echo my own. Although it is depressing that orthodox medical culture remains as unholistic (to say the least) as in the early 1980s when Jo Spence was being treated, I find strength in knowing my criticisms are shared.

I began to use the Internet to research treatment options when I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in 1994 and since then I have read only a few books related to cancer. Two books I would recommend have been reviewed on the web site this year, Gillian Rose's Love's Work (Chatto and Windus, 1995) and Preventing Breast Cancer - The Politics of an Epidemic (Pandora, 1995) by Dr. Cathy Read. Love's Work is another example of intense and evocative writing in the form of a personal memoir, while Dr. Cathy Read's book is an informative reference text.

One other book has cancer-related significance for me - Angela Carter's Wise Children (Chatto and Windus, 1991). My mother and I often recommended books to one another. Wise Children was the last book we both read, shortly after I was diagnosed with secondaries and before my mother, like Angela Carter, died from lung cancer. As depressing as that sounds, Wise Children is a delightful book and its beautiful imagery is enhanced for me by the handmade artist's book of prints by Elizabeth Hobbs which was my introduction to it. The story of two sisters growing old together disgracefully also has a resonance for me, recalling aspects of my own family history and a running joke with my sister Caroline about our own possible destiny.

Next on my list is Sharon Batt's Patient No More (Scarlet Press, 1995).